Port Dickson, Malaysia
It started with the idea to have a Christmas Eve bonfire on the beach of Port Dickson (PD). The guest list grew from a small group of a few people to a large group of 40 plus. It was actually my first Christmas away from home and I was still missing the comforts of being home for the holidays.
We descended on a small little Mexican restaurant to start the night. By 11pm, we moved onto the beach to ring in Christmas day. It was a good night of drinks, meeting new people and relaxing on the beach.
As the night was wrapping up, I walked away from the group. About 5 metres from the water, I put my backpack down as a pillow and lay down.
With the city lights behind me, it was too bright to see many stars but I stared up at one star, turned on some music on my phone and just let myself relax.
It has already been 6 months since I came back from travelling. Time really flies. I was starting to feel a little bit more settled though. It’s been an emotionally tiring year and I was wondering when I would start to feel “re-charged”. I reflected on the year as a whole and felt myself breathe a little easier. One of the girls from the bonfire group came by and looked at me lying there.
“Who are you thinking of?”
“It’s okay! We don’t know really know each other, so you can tell me. We’ll never see each other again, so it doesn’t matter.” She said.
“Right”. I said in my head. I smiled and continued to stare up at the star, then I replied. “Nobody that you know of.”
In my head, I heard a certain someone saying something else, “Why is it so important for you to say “goodbye” to me? Will I not see you after this ?”
Flashback to one year ago: I came home early for Christmas from my travels. I was in a beautiful place and while others were longing to stay, I was spending money to change my planet ticket just to come home a few days earlier. All that to spend those extra days with a girlfriend I knew I was saying goodbye to in two weeks time. But it was important to me regardless of what I knew was coming.
I knew we would never see each other in the same way again.
And that is exactly it: we will never see each again. That is why it mattered. It was the real answer I never said aloud.