She called me an idealist. I understood what she meant. It’s something I’ve been trying to change about myself. It’s not an easy process for me. I used to be very impatient with a short temper to match. Combine it all together and you have someone who could get emotional over something and let it turn to animosity and grudges. In other words, I didn’t always let things go easily. All my life I’ve probably been that “idealist“. I’ve grown up with ideals and strong principles and I didn’t tend to back down from them. As I try to do this thing called “growing up”, it has taught me that letting go of some of those ideals is simply required.
Rewind back to when I first dealt with the issue. I had always thought that I would find a way to salvage some sort of friendship with my ex-girlfriends. After my first girlfriend and I broke up, I had figured that we could still be friends at some point; the way we had talked about before we had got together (and even after). Being the idealist that I was, I believed her. This became so far from the truth that I really didn’t know what to do. It was like a broken promise; one that you had to let go of and move on. Everyone has different opinions on this issue. Some say you can’t be friends, while others have been able to have great friendships with ex’s. My ideals fell into the latter, while the reality fell into the former for whatever reason.
It would be one of the first times I dealt with being disliked. It’s one of those things that has never been an issue. I was generally well liked and I didn’t have any (known) enemies, but this would be the closest thing to one. I didn’t want to be dis-liked by someone I once respected and I had to deal with that for the first time in my life. When I found out I had even been blocked on Facebook, I was a bit taken aback. At that point, even though the issue wasn’t with me, the act left a bitter taste in my mouth. While I felt animosity, the interesting thing is my loyalty has never wavered. Not even to this day. If I had to be there for her at some point later in my life, I would do it to this day. Why? I’m not sure. Apparently loyalty is one of stronger traits.
Since then, similar situations have happened and other relationships have been severed. Friendships where people don’t try, flaky people, former strong relationships, etc. etc… all became learning opportunities for myself. It’s interesting to see what we hold onto though. If I have a blowup with a guy friend, we would probably quickly settle the score and sort it out. But with one ex girlfriend, one of them would sooner delete me off msn (fairly recent incident) then talk to me about it. At first, I reacted like I normally do, the idealist side of me anyways. But this time around, I quickly moved on. I was kinda glad she did it. At least I don’t have to pretend I want her friendship now. Is that harsh? I don’t know. I don’t think she reads this anymore anyways after she un-subscribed.
Yeah I’m starting to change. I am not sure if I’m just shedding my softer side or if I’m just learning to deal with reality vs ideals/perceptions. If I’m being honest with myself, it’s probably the latter. As emotional as I’ve been, there hasn’t been anything to date that I haven’t found a way to forgive. I still want to be liked but I know there are people who dis-like/hate me. It’s not worth the time to change their opinions of me. I would rather spend that time working on myself.
Someone once told me that if you want to be really successful, you can’t care about what others think. And this is apparently what separates the people who want to stand outside the crowd and create change (and are willing to take the heat) vs the people who simply want to stand in the crowd and be accepted. At the same time, these people have found the right balance between respecting the opinions of people they value and the people who hold them back. It can be a fine line and sometimes it means severing good relationships.
I’m not good at making those choices, but I think it’s a choice we all have to make.